(Well, sort of... For those of us celebrating on the 26th--me--it's figuratively only the 23rd...) Semantics. Regardless, have a good one, peeps and for those of you travelling, be safe. For those of you staying home, make yourself cozy and snuggle in for a good weekend. Lots of love.
1. Roch Voisine and Anne Murray... Their voices could be interchanged. I'm convinced they are the same person.
2. Robert Downey Jr. was a singer at a (particularly low) point in his career, and actually had a Christmas Album. So, there's that.
3. The song "Baby It's Cold Outside" is less about Christmas and more so about aggravated assault:
I really can't stay...Dolly Parton has very few options: she can leave and freeze in the apparent raging storm, or stay and be sexed by Rod Stewart. I'd take my chances with the storm.
I've got to go away...
Say what's in this drink...
I simply must go...
The answer is no...
1. 'Tis the week for excessive spending. While I finished my Christmas shopping some time ago, I always find the last few days before Christmas to be intoxicatingly expensive (is "intoxicatingly" a word?) It's like the nearness of Santa awakens some glorious demon making me excessively generous, buying gifts not a few days earlier I swore were too expensive.
I love it. My wallet doesn't. To those who benefit, you're welcome.
2. Fancy Cousin (Toque's brother, living the high life in NYC) sent the family a Christmas card:
A merry Christmas to you all--Mama LL, Beef, Mr. Beef, Lil C', LL, and the guy who won't commit...Amazing.
There are many little people in my life whom I would call Peeps--Lil' C, of course; Bear, Pants' peanut; Manrissa's little chunker; and The Original Little, Baby Belly.
BB belongs to Belly and was the first baby amongst my elementary chums. She's the tops. I knew sometime ago I liked the cut of her 3-and-a-half year old jib. First, her voice sounds like a cartoon character. Second, shes funny. Super funny. Last year at this time she was grocery shopping (not alone, with her daddy) when from her place in the shopping cart she spotted Santa. What is a toddler to do when spotting Santa amongst the Fortino's produce but to repeatedly yell "SANTA!" at the top of her little lungs until "Santa" turned around? Turns out it wasn't Santa, and the plump lady in the red coat wasn't too pleased at the comparison.
Add to this the text I received earlier this evening:
"BB had a tantrum tonight because I wouldn't let her watch Keyboard Cat (she was being rude). Last night she was making her stuffed kitty play an imaginary keyboard."
If she didn't look so much like her mommy, I'd say she was mine. S'cute. Thank you, Belly, for such a good giggle and for such a funny little potato...
I found something. Something completely cool. And for once I'm being a really bad girl and not doing what technically (not to mention morally) I should do: I'm totally keeping it.
*shifty eyes* Muuuuahahahaha! (evil laugh)
It's mine, my precious, my only... Sucka.
*runs away clutching awesome find*
Norwegian butter crisis threatens to ruin Christmas!
*sob*
Not the butter... Please, not the BUTTER!
*runs screaming into the night*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Getting up this morning we put on a pot of the "festive" coffee (read: hazelnut) and I immediately set to work on Dad's Christmas cakes. Two pounds of candied cherries, three cups of dried fruit, two cups of nuts, 2/3 of a cup of some serious booze, and a partridge in a pear tree later and the cakes were set to bake for the next three and a half hours. A few moments of panic between the creaming of the butter/sugar mixture and the addition of the eggs--looked like there was some serious curdling going on--but one quick call to reassuring Mama LL and my mind was set to ease.
By this time Orange had the wood stove a blaze, and Bert was happy as a clam, sunning himself between the perfectly positioned sun beam and the fireplace, underneath our three carefully hung family stockings. He remained there for the majority of the day, moving in intervals closer/farther away from the heat as required.
Then it was on to fashioning 22 miniature Christmas cards for my work peeps, followed by shopping for a Secret Santa gift, and a brisk walk in the cold sunshine with Fingers. And now, curled up on the couch with the Ginger Kid, our leg lamp aglow ("its a major award!") we're alternating between Home Alone and Elf on the television.
Aside from a minor catastrophe involving Mama LL's Christmas tree, a perfectly Christmas-y day.
Thank Shiloh November, and subsequently the November Moksha 30-day challenge, is almost over because I cannot do another hot yoga class with 45+ people. I was literally a sardine today, in more than just pose. And the girl squished in next to me had exceptionally stinky feet.
TMI?
You get to eat things like brown beans or humus for dinner without worrying about the consequences; you can watch Sister Wives in real time; you can wear your old gross slippers and no one will say "ew, I hate your old gross slippers"; and the house stays relatively tidy (Bert's hair notwithstanding...)
The disadvantages?
You miss them.
On my way out of the yoga studio last night this flyer caught my eye:
1. My SCENE card finally arrived so I can begin collecting those all important movie points.
2. A letter mistakenly addressed to "Mrs. Orange".
Guess which one I was more excited about?
This morning after yoga I made a quick pit stop at the local strip mall, or more specifically the pet store, for kitty food. On my way out, the cat who lives in the pet store was waiting at the door. Being that it's a busy parking lot I thought it best to ask, "um, I'm assuming she doesn't go out?"
"Actually she does" says the salesperson. "She's waiting for someone to take her to the tanning salon. If you're on your way out, can you take her?"
So I did. Actually, the cat more or less escorted me, all I did was hold open the doors for her, what with my opposable thumbs and all.
Strangest part? No one--not the pet store woman nor the tanning salon folks--seemed interested in explaining.
(sent via email sometime mid afternoon from his current remote work location)
"Just wanted to say hello. Miss you already... Please also relay a message to Bert for me. Tell him I'm disappointed in him and expect him to be more considerate in the morning hours... I expect him to complete his chores as I assigned him yesterday. To reiterate:
1) Monitor the toilet flow upstairs, I am concerned about the leaky check valve (due to the presence of paw prints on the lid I think he has this under control.)
2) Count the number of leaves entering the yard. I told him I need a numbers so I can purchase the correct number of leaf bags. His numbers were way off this past weekend... This is unacceptable.
3) General security duties, including a brief summary report submitted daily to both of us. I've asked him to include a count of the number of kids entering the yard, cars turning around in the driveway, and how many times troll lady stumbles around the ravine [this is the woman who lives across the ravine from us...]
Bert gave me some BS that he has too much to do and would not work in these conditions, he muttered something about slave labour but he had a feather in his mouth during this exchange making his meows difficult to interpret.
Please update me on his progress or lack there of. We may need to discipline him if this behaviour continues.
Love you
J"
 |
| (That's Cousin Toque in the red!) |
Orange: Did you hear? There's an asteroid headed towards Earth.
Library Lady: Mm...
O: I bet it's carrying the Mayans.
LL: Sorry, what?
O: The asteroid, it's carrying the Mayans back to Earth for 2012. No one knows what happened to the Mayans, you know...
LL: Uh, yeah they do. They live in Mexico, and Guatemala, and Belieze.
O: Whatever. The Mayans are coming back, and Transformers live on the moon.
LL: When you put it that way it's hard to argue with your logic.
... If this isn't under the tree for me, I'm officially boycotting Christmas. It's bad enough I have to live with the regret of not buying the t-shirt when I had the chance.
Please take this as a not-so-subtle hint, family.
1. Some kids are funny, like the two year old who came to my door tonight trying to give me her candy, or the toddler dressed as Spiderman sporting an out-of-place accompanying mustache, and the trio of Mexicans who closed out the night (who may or may or may not have been trick-or-treaters. They were kind of tall to be kids... And unlike the toddler Spidey, I think their mustaches were real...)
Some kids, on the other hand, are dinks. Like the kid who didn't want my candy because it wasn't a Twix bar. I followed him out to the yard and pushed him into the bushes. I'm lying of course... The Mexican gang in the driveway took care of him.
2. I found out today that a girl I went to summer camp with (with whom I probably haven't spoken to since) is pregnant for the second time. Fngers shared this news courtesy of Facebook, because--wait for it--she posted pictures of her pee stick.
And that's why I'm not on Facebook.
3. *sung to the theme of 12 days of Chrismas* "On the 38th day of autumn, the sweet Jebus gave to me... HEAT!" Yup. For the first time this autumn we have had heat in the house. A refreshing change after seeing my breath in the bathroom last Friday morning. And let me tell you, at a balmy 9 degrees in the house in the morning, that toilet seat was not a treat.
It's a state of the art furnace, however. I can load photos onto the thermostat as "wall art", it'll make me a perfect poached egg, and greet me in the morning while providing/playing the the MuchMusic top 40 for my daily shower. Oh, and heat the house. Only one of see statements is a lie. Can you guess which one?
*insert horror movie scream here*
In other scary news, 'tis near my favourite time of year (aside from Thanksgiving): Halloween. I am an immortal child when it comes to Halloween, and I'm not afraid to boast about it. I'm out. I'm proud. Get used to it.
Naturally, I'm busy as a Keebler elf preparing for the big event, and with Friday off I have ample time to put the finishing touches on my costume and purchase last minute items for Orange, who is taking me to Toronto for a party. I can't tell you what we're being, only that the two costumes are completely different and yet completely fabulous. I'll post pictures next week if I remember to take any...
Lil' C, however, is being a Garden Gnome, and you can bet your butters there will be pictures of that. Besides procuring and carving my yearly quota of pun'kins, all we have left to do is to make the annual trip to Costco for our Halloween goodies (yeah that's right... we give out full size chocolate bars... we're that house...)
Jealous?
